In the man-made world of stuff, breaking something doesn’t make it stronger. It just, well, breaks. You drop a plate, it shatters, and no matter how well you glue it, you can see the crack. It’s damaged goods.

We think love is the same way.

Betrayal, hurt, infidelity, conflict…. these are the bulls in our emotional china shops. We think that love is a fragile china plate that must be handled delicately and remain unbroken for its value to be preserved. In our relationships, we shy away from imperfection, conflict, and rough housing. We clam up rather than rock the boat. And when we can’t keep the bulls out of the shop, we get heart “broken,” as if our sense of connection and love can be shattered irreparably.

I want to propose a different model for love.

Love is not of the world of things. Love is not a plate. Love is organic, human, messy, and alive.

The organic world has a very different relationship to stress. Stress makes things stronger. In fact, failing to stress a system will cause it to atrophy and become enfeebled. In the organic world, destruction is necessary for strength and endurance.

Consider:

  • the burning forest creates new growth
  • breaking down our muscles is essential to building strength
  • taxing our immune system gives it strength and resilience
  • the destruction of our cells is what allows regeneration

The eco-system of your love is no different.

Not only is love not compromised by conflict, messiness and emotional stress can give your love the stimulus it needs to deepen, strengthen, and become more resilient. Although chronic stress isn’t healthy, the occasional round of intensity is nourishing and bracing for your love eco-system. When met with integrity, each challenging moment is a mini emotional gym workout: though it may be sweaty and uncomfortable in the short-term, it is essential for health and longevity.

Your love is not a china plate; your love is a prize fighter in his prime.

So go ahead; embrace your workouts.

Like this? Check out my 3-minute video epiphanies on life and love. 

Rachel supports yoga teachers and studios around the world to create transformational education experiences that help them thrive in their business, share their passion, and inspire more people to practice yoga. Her extensive knowledge and experience include: earning two masters degrees, authoring three books, leading 4,000+ hours of TT, building a teacher training college for a national yoga company, and working behind the scenes in yoga studio & teacher management for more than fifteen years. As a writer and speaker, she continually wrestles with the juicy bits of life: relationships, authenticity, and discovering meaning in this crazy, wildish world. E-RYT 500, YACEP, BA, MFA, MSci. Learn more about Rachel.

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2 Comments

  2. Right? I love this way of thinking about it…XO

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