Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.
According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, suicides rates have increased by more than 25% over the last two decades.
Like many of us, I believe the whispers of Mr. Success Demon, who promises, “if you just get this impossible thing, you will be happy.” So when someone famous and accomplished kills themselves, I am shocked. Hadn’t they gotten the stuff that we all crave, like fame, money, and acclaim? Didn’t these people have everything?
Celebrity suicides remind us of the dark truth: success does not make you happy.
I know that’s not a newsflash, but some part of me still wants to believe the myth. Our minds (sweet little comparison machines that they are) orient our self-esteem based on how we stack up against everyone else. And with social media, we now get to compare ourselves with Dwayne Johnson, Will Smith and Pink. With all those superstars on display, who can blame the average Jane for feeling like she’s not measuring up?
But when the people who “have it all” are desperately unhappy, it’s a wake up call that there is a terrible flaw in how we work.
Happiness Ain’t Inside Either
Most of us understand that the external world isn’t ultimately fulfilling.
But here’s the newsflash: your internal world isn’t going to make you happy either. I’m sorry folks, but if you go inside your own head and all you find are crocodiles, you’re certainly not going to want to stay there. It’s not just going inside, it’s how you go inside that counts.
The Truth
In my darkest moments, the thoughts in my head have been so utterly cruel and outrageous that another part of my mind perked up. “Wow, sister,” the voice said, “THIS is how you’re thinking about yourself right now? Holy crap.”
And when that voice spoke, a space opened. A space where maybe my mind was lying to me.
I’m betting that Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain didn’t have that little voice. I’m guessing that at their worst moments, all they heard was the noise.
The Key: You must stop believing everything you think.
When the bad thoughts come, watch your mind. See the glitch in the matrix. Yoga says: you are not your thoughts; make friends with your mind, recognize its limitations, and notice – with compassion – its confusion.
And I’m going to suggest something else.
Tell those voices to fuck off.
You cannot negotiate with terrorists. You cannot bargain, compromise, wheedle or justify yourselves to them. If bargaining were an option, our successful cultural icons would have had plenty of ammunition to talk those voices down.
Our only option when the dark voices come is to create presence and space. Listen to the voices with a different part of yourself, until they start to reveal themselves as the petulant, whiny cunts that they are.
And get outside.
If the noise in your head is relentless, leave. Not by offing yourself, but by embracing all that is materialistic. Put your attention back into that glorious, seething world full of stuff and people. Talk to trees, run on a beach, feel your body, see a movie, hug your dear ones.
I’ll meet you in the sunshine.
