The Bodhisattva’s Smile

When I first starting practicing yoga, I knew that it would change my life.

After my first sweet Savasana, I suddenly realized that if I practiced diligently and consistently, I would become calm, kind to stranger, sweet to horrible children, magnanimous with ex-boyfriends and generous with catty women.  As I looked upon the serene and clear faces of sculptured bodhisattvas, I knew that I, too, would undoubtedly become serene, placid, and imperturbable.

Um.  Well.

That didn’t happen.

The more that I practice yoga, the more I feel.  Ugly, gorgeous, complicated, fleeting, terrifying feelings.  Rather than being sweetly equanimous, I have been riding up and down on a rollercoaster of sadness and joy.  Instead of becoming increasingly serene, my palette of experience is widening rather alarmingly.  Rather than muting to a pale and pleasing lavender, the spectrum of my emotions is becoming garish, rainbow, neon.

As kids, we learn to protect ourselves against the heartache of the world by armoring up.  Feel less, guard more.  We are taught to armour up in order to navigate our world with any dexterity; after all, our culture frowns upon open displays of raw emotion.  However, with each application of protective coating, our originally radiant emotional spectrum becomes grimy, dimmed, contained.

In the yoga practice, we are invited into a safe space in which to participate fully with our own experience.  If we allow it, we can peel back the armour that we have diligently applied like so much nail lacquer.  Through our body, we explore a wide array of sensations (some pleasant, some unpleasant) and are asked to breathe, feel, and discover the underlying grace in our the experience.

In our practice, we can choose how we react to discomfort: do we harden and armour up? Or can we soften and sense?  Can we move past an instinctive recoil against uncertainty and instead explore with tenderness the multitude of sensations and feelings that lies beneath our skin?

Practicing courageous and compassionate feeling in our yoga increases the spectrum of emotion that is available to us in our daily lives.  Father than hardening, we learn to soften and sense the wildish emotions off our lives with groundedness and softness.  As we feel into our bodies more with kindness, we begin to increase our graceful fortitude, that is, our ability to ride the waves of feeling and yet stay non-reactive and connected.

I was mistaken about the bodhisattvas: they do not smile so serenely because they only feel peaceful.  No, their emotional cup is not so shallow.

They smile because they feel everything, and hold the ocean of their deep feelings in the open hands of their grace.

Yoga and the Perks of Being a Wallflower

“We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Mr. Anderson, Perks of Being a Wallflower

Consciously, we know that we are good, smart people.  Good people who try hard and deserve to have good things.

So why do we find ourselves in situations in which we would be aghast to find our friends?

Through relationships, the deeper currents of ours subconscious – or hey, let’s call it karma – are revealed.  While our conscious mind is happily thinking that we are cleverly avoiding all our usual traps, unconsciously we are re-creating patterns that expose our deeper hardwiring.  These are the patterns that we ultimately slap ourselves on the forehead about: “God, why am I here again?”

Not only do we accept the love we think we deserve; we accept the jobs, the friends, the criticism, the boundaries, and the lives that we think we deserve.

What a blessing.

Through active and mindful participation in our relationships, therefore, we can begin to gently and compassionately unearth our blindspots…and consciously make choices to reset our patterns and update our beliefs.  When we witness our relationships with the world, we can clearly be in the reality of who we truly are – not just who we think we want to be.  And from that honest and tender place, we can be brave enough to accept our “karma” and make decisions that are more in line with our vision for our highest selves.

Our yoga practice offers a clear and present mirror, where we similarly “accept the practice we think we deserve.”

Do we feel unhappy with ourselves?  Perhaps we have a deep feeling that we’re unworthy and need to be punished.  We will find opportunities to create these experiences in our practice.  Do we think that we are lazy, inept, imbalanced?  These beliefs will show up there, too.  Do we feell like we’re victims?  Bingo – in the practice.  Do we feel that we deserve to feel, to be nourished, and to express ourselves unselfconsciously?  Voila, our practice.

Our yoga practice is a blank canvas, waiting for us to begin to paint.  Through witnessing the art that we create, we are privy to a clear and present window through which to recognize our conscious beliefs, as well as our deeper, hidden patterns.  By honestly watching our thoughts and actions, we can compassionately begin to recognize who we truly are.  And through our yoga practice, we can then sweetly and mindfully untether ourselves from old beliefs and create a higher relationship with ourselves.

First within, then without.

As we begin to shift the tectonic plates of these old beliefs, our outer world will begin to shift too.  And while we will still be accepting the love (and the practice, the job, and the friends) that we believe we deserve, “what we think we deserve” may evolve to be something quite different.

Ask yourself:

  • how do I treat myself in my yoga?
  • what beliefs surface about myself?
  • are there any consistent thoughts that keep surfacing?
  • how do I want my practice to be?
  • what would I have to give up – or let go of – in order to allow this to happen?
  • what do I lose if I do?
  • what do I gain?

Go explore, you beautiful creature.

Feel, move, love.

The courage of awkward

Awkward happens when “who we want to be” is revealed to be different than “who we are at this moment”.  Maybe we are trying be suave in front of that cute guy, savvy when we talk to our new boss, or awesome in all our yoga poses….when suddenly we insert foot in mouth, lose the thread, topple over, and sheepishly look up from a crumpled heap on the proverbial  floor.

But here’s the sweet soft spot in the middle of that embarrassment: awkward only happens when we are invested, when our hearts are engaged, and when we’re trying.  There is an earnest beauty to awkward that only comes from putting our hearts on the line, risking embarrassment, and testing our boundaries.  Awkward, as it turns out, is incredibly brave.

How often do we stay safe rather than risking awkward?  Over time, to avoid that hot flush of embarrassment, we start to limit our behaviour and our possibilities.  Perhaps we hide our Star Trek books and pretend we don’t wear a mouthguard (um, that’s me), or we resist walking up to cute guys and girls because the potential risk of looking interested just isn’t “cool.”  We hug in the boundaries of our potential in order to be hip or socially acceptable.  And in doing so, we limit our freedom to really express our silliness, our joy, and our abandon.

We can only grow from pushing our boundaries, falling over, and getting back up.  So give me your awkward family Christmas videos, Star Trek memorabilia, and posed cat photos!  Show me someone who isn’t afraid to fall over, share their enthusiasm, and be excited about their lives.

In your yoga practice, have the courage to risk being awkward by testing your boundaries, embracing failure, and laughing as you pick yourself up.

Through the fire of awkwardness, new possibilities will be revealed.  And as you embrace your inner ugly duckling, you give permission to those around you to similarly free themselves from the restrictions of cool and hip, and instead get down to the business of living from their beautiful, earnest, vulnerable hearts.

 

 

The Power of Meow

JonesyI took my kitty to the vet.

Now for any pet owners, you know that taking your kitty to the vet can be a pretty harrowing experience.  There could be claws, there could be flying fur, there could be plaintive meowing to break a kitty mama’s heart.

Jonesy – my cat – was a little trooper.  Primarily because she was terrified.  At the vet’s, she shook uncontrollably, kept her claws to herself, and quietly subjected herself to the indignities of palpation and a heart check.  Her silence in the vehicle on the way home had me fearing the worst.  If she hadn’t had a heart attack, certainly I was in store for days of skulking and litter box abstinence.

When I got her home and opened her carrier, she popped out her head and jumped from the carrier.  Finding herself in a familiar setting, she gave herself a little shake, perked her ears, put her tail in the air, and made for her favorite kitty tower, none the worse for the wear.

After giving her some well-deserved catnip, I took a moment to marvel at her process.  Here was kitty, fully in the moment, allowing herself to be afraid, meow, and shake.  And because she’d be completely in the experience, once her vet visit as over, she had been able to completely let go of the distress and move on.

When something hurtful and scary happens to me, I do not react like kitty.  Rather than meow and shake (or articulate my feelings and cry), I batten down the hatches, act reasonably, and stuff my feelings into the box labelled “unacceptable and vulnerable reactions.”   Then later, instead of moving on, all the little goodies from that box start to leak out and worm their way into my thoughts and actions.  The experience lingers.

What if we could be more like kitty?  To fully experience the breadth of feelings in the moment without apology, and then – because our feelings had been given their due – to move on and freshly into the next experience?   Now, reason is a lovely tool, so I’m not suggesting that we all run amok with our emotions without reflection.  But kitty’s ability to experience the moment and then move on also gave her the capacity to immediately forgive me, enjoy some pets, and peacefully nap for the rest of her day.  Her teachings remind of Eckhart Tolle’s passion for the Power of Now, in which he invites us to be awake fully to the present moment.

We can learn a lot about life from our little furry friends, feline and canine.  In our yoga practice, consider how we hold onto our day, our agenda, or even our experience of one pose to the next.  In the practice, can we instead return again and again to the current moment and our experience?  In doing so, we give ourself the opportunity to be fully present to the breadth of our sensations and emotions, and we also clear our palate to available for the experiences to come.

Then, we could say that we too would experience, “The Power of Meow.”

Why I stopped practicing. And why I started again.

The beginnings

When I first started practicing yoga, it was one of the most challenging and rewarding physical disciplines I had experienced.  I got stronger, I felt great, and my practice improved.  I felt like I had come home.

After several years of yoga-euphoria, something changed.

First my practice plateaued.  And then it started to hurt.

Although my  mind and spirit loved yoga, my body began to whisper some objections.  I injured my hamstrings (chronically overstretched), tweaked my knee (too much ego in lotus), consistently dislocated my rib, and lost contact with the whole gluteus family: max, med, and min.   As theses injuries compounded, my balance became worse, my hip started to ache, and my practice declined.  Worst of all, the wear and tear caught up to me in my daily activities.   Loathe to change my practice, I decided to “work through it.”

The moment of truth

It was the touchdown that finally pushed me over the edge.

While playing touch football on the beach with my family over Christmas, I made a mad dash for a touchdown. As I launched into my sprint, my chronically stretched and weakened left hamstring finally gave out.  Although I made the touchdown, I spend the rest of my family vacation icing my leg.  I couldn’t walk without a limp.

I loved my practice.  I just didn’t like listening to it.

After my hamstring injury, I finally had to acknowledge that my physical practice needed to change.  The slow, strong yoga style I’d been doing for years had not prepared my body for dynamic movement.  My poor hammies and neglected glutes couldn’t sustain the rapid, power move of my dash.

Now, there is nothing wrong with yoga.  It’s simply that yoga – like any repetitive physical activity  done over time – will dole out specific stimulation and specific wear and tear if it’s the only exercise that you do.  And the way that I was doing my practice had created some weak links.  If I wanted to really take care of my body, then I needed to make a change.

Hello gymrat

I pulled up my yoga stakes and started going to TRX and the gym.  I got a personal trainer.  I did squats.  My goals were straightforward: get my balance back, find my glutes, make my hamstrings happy, and run 20 minutes.

I wasn’t the only yogi looking around for some extra fitness on the side.  Senior yogis in the community were going to Cross Fit.  Teachers whispered to me in secret that they were going to the gym.  Long-term yogis wanted to rediscover the parts of their body that yoga was leaving behind.

Yoga’s new look

As yogis start cross-training to balance out their bodies, priorities in group classes are starting to shift.  New ideas about the form of yoga are starting to percolate.  Whether it’s Jana Webb’s “Joga” (Yoga for Athletes) or Desi Springer and John Friend’s “The Roots” (a glute lovin’ romp that focuses on empowering the back line of the body), we’re starting to see the pollination of modern athleticism into the yoga studio.  Power and core classes increasingly derive ideas from personal training and other physical methodologies.  Functionality is more important than putting a foot behind your head.

Is this yoga?

Does an evolution in the physical form of yoga detract from “tradition?”

Heck, no.

While the physical yoga practice has really only been around a couple hundred years, the meditative heart of yoga has been around for millennia. Regardless of the shapes of the physical practice, the real yoga continues to happen in our mind.  The shapes are the roadmap, the destination is you.

Why I started practicing again

Yoga is a place to come home to my body, my breath, my emotions.  While I love my TRX and HIIT classes, listening to Katy Perry and running on a treadmill doesn’t give me the same kind of self connection.  I returned to yoga in order to find a quiet place to come home to myself. I returned to yoga to address the crazy voices in my mind.  And I returned to yoga because through the movement of my body, I can experience the mystery of being alive.

I’ve returned to my practice with a great deal of humility.  I use props, bend my knees, and do a lot of standing poses.   The daredevil postures that I used to practice may be somewhere in my future, but I’m not in a rush to get there.

And wouldn’t you know: yoga still has some surprises up its sleeve. Even though I’m returning to essentially same practice I left, my body feels radically different.  Hamstrings are happy, ribs are happy, and I’m unearthing some crazy little imbalances that TRX and the gym had left unaddressed.   Most importantly, I’m willing to listen to my practice now.

Love everything

Moving forward, I’ll try to keep up with some jogging…and I’ll occasionally try to lift heavy things. To keep my body happy, I’ll do my best to balance the slow beauty of yoga with some quick sprints and fast movement.  There’s beauty – and yoga – in jogging, too.  And I’ll continue to do my slow-ass, propped up practice, and let it unfold in its own time.

Yoga’s real secret is that is really doesn’t matter so much what the practice looks like. So choose the style that makes your body smile.  Whether it’s hatha, Iyengar, ashtanga, yin, or hot, when it comes down to it, our yoga practice is a safe place for us to be, feel, and come home.

 

The refreshing anti-New Years

calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutionsIn November of this year, I themed my classes around “No”vember, essentially asking, what can we say “No” to…in order to say “yes” to something greater? * The premise is simple:

  • You are already complete
  • You already are your best self, and in your deepest self you know your highest vision for yourself (you know it because you hear that little voice that tells you when you’re veering off-course, and says “ahhhhh” when you’ve done the right thing!
  • Now, we simply gotta clear away the gunk that gets in the way…by saying no.

So, this year: the anti-new years resolution!

We often think the answer lies in doing more.  More gym, more vegetables, more work, more obligation, more tasks.  However, these kinds of obligations – though coming from an inspired desire to be better – often wind up weighing us down and becoming dreary rules that we feel compelled to follow.  When we can’t check everything off our unending list of self-improvement, we become despondent and feel that we’ve let ourselves down.

So, this year, rather than asking, what can I add onto my life to be better, ask yourself:

What can I let go of to let my best self come through?

Here are some examples:

  • Let go of obligations
  • Let go of old habits
  • Let go of fear
  • Let go of self-doubt
  • Let go of activities that don’t make you vibrant
  • Let go of should’s…in favor of really following your priorities

If you’d like something a little more physical to spur you on, this is the ideal time to:

  • Let go of old clothes
  • Let go of old kitsch that just takes up space
  • Clean out your photos
  • Clean out your junk drawers
  • Clean out your bookshelves
  • Clean out your desk
  • Clean out your kitchen
  • Clean out your appliances

Not only will you lighten your own load, but you can bring your goodies to the Salvation Army and make a New Years’ donation at the same time!

Feel free to share your inspirations and stories.

Happy New Year!

 

* Originally inspired by my fabulous friend Shandy Rae Scarfo (check out The Naked Sprout  in Whistler). She did a “no” vember theme a couple years back in her yoga class that I loved.

Holiday gift special: what laryngitic cats have to do with joy

Christmas cheery presentsI love to sing.

Ever since I was a kid, I have sung in choirs, in musicals, a cappella groups, and even the occasional rock opera.   Even when I sound like a laryngitic cat, I relish the attempt.

About a year ago, I started to take singing lessons.  Yay, I thought!  Now I will have the opportunity to sing more often and spend time on something I love.  What fun, what joy, what a gift!

Right?

Wrong.

After about the second week, my brain started in:

  • “Oh, now I have to practice”
  • “Thank god I practiced, now I can check that off my list.”
  • “Oh, I suck because I don’t want to practice”
  • “Uh-oh, I have a lesson and I haven’t practiced”
  • “Ugh, why did I schedule a lesson?”
  • “I hate singing.”

I turned singing – something that I loved – into an irritating obligation.  See, we humans are funny critters.  Invite us to do something that we love, and we’re ecstatic.  Tell us that we have to do it, and we become mopey and resistant.

This “flip” happens in our yoga practice as well.

When we first begin to practice, our mind and bodies sing with happiness.  “I can’t believe I found yoga,” we gush.  “I absolutely love my practice!  I need my practice.””  But as time moves forward, we start to turn yoga into something to check off our list.  “Gotta get my practice in.  Good, now I can check that off the list.  Done.”

Ironically, in forgetting to relish our practice, we deprive ourselves of the very experience that we made time for!

This holiday season, give yourself a special gift.  Reclaim the quiet, profound, and personal gifts of your own yoga practice:

  • When you arrive on your mat, take a moment and pause.   Really. Take a breath.
  • Let go of the checklist.
  • Get rid of your agenda.
  • Remember why you came back to your practice in the first place.
  • Enjoy your time to simply breathe and move.

And, as you approach the holidays, consider if there are other places outside of your practice that you are setting yourself up for this same “flip.”

For example:

  • Holiday parties
  • Seeing our friends
  • Buying presents
  • Making time for our family
  • Traveling
  • Eating holiday treats

These opportunities to connect, feel, and play become dreary when we turn them into obligatory errands or appointments.  Ask yourself: are you clearing off your to-do-list, or can you give yourself the time to fully enjoy the richness of these once-a-year experiences?

Nourish yourself this holiday season by accepting the gifts that are already right in front of you.

Drink every last drop of their eggnoggy goodness.

Pregnancy and Practice

prenatal Congratulations! You’ve got a bun in the oven and rapid changes are on the way.  Not only is your body undergoing marvelous and radical transformation, but most likely other areas of your life (career, relationships, home) are shifting to make room for this new being.  Whether you’re a novice or veteran yogi, practicing yoga during your pregnancy is a wonderful way to create some time for self-connection, grounding, and nourishment.

Practicing sensible yoga while you’re pregnant can strengthen your body, relieve stress and anxiety, and help you to focus your mind – all great preparations for labor and motherhood. Understanding the physiological changes of pregnancy will help you to effectively modify your practice to suit your unique needs. Here’s a trimester-by-trimester guide to address some of the larger changes you will experience.  As with any physical activity, practice within the guidelines prescribed by your doctor.

Keep in mind: every pregnancy is unique. Pregnancy is an ideal and magical time to really listen to your body and connect with what feels good to you.  Above all else, let your own body be your guide, and enjoy the journey!

Trimester #1.

Fatigue

Trimester number one is usually characterized by fatigue as you (literally!) grow a new organ – the placenta – to nourish your baby during pregnancy.  Though your little tyke is about as big as an egg, your body is working hard to prepare the way.   Choose a class style that matches your energy.  If you’re just starting yoga, hatha or a designated prenatal class will be great places to begin.  If you’re a normal power and flow practitioners, consider adding hatha to your mix to give yourself some space and time to rest and recuperate.

Relaxin

Starting in the first trimester,  your hormones will be changing.  Often, this new hormone cocktail will generate nausea (morning sickness).   More subtly, other hormones will be at work to help prepare the body for delivery.  Although you may not notice your newfound flexibility until as late as the third trimester, the hormone relaxin could start to work as early as the first trimester.  Relaxin, which  loosens the ligaments in your pelvis in order to help the baby make an exit, affects all the connective tissue in the body democratically.  As a result, mothers may notice they have newfound flexibility through their joints. Though it may be tempting to finally get into the full splits, refrain from zealous over-stretching as we will want those ligaments to return to a stable length to support your joints after the baby is born.

Since relaxin can loosen your joints, recruit your smaller muscles to stabilizers to mindfully stabilize your joints.  Explore engaging your adductors (hugging your legs to the midline) and abductors (pressing your feet apart to engage the outer hip) to steady your pelvis.  Also, keep your feet hip distance apart in standing poses to best support your weight.

Heating and overheating

There’s nothing wrong with a good sweat.  Normal sweating indicates that your systems for self-regulating your temperature are working well.  However, since increasing the core body temperature has been linked to birth defects, it’s important to listen to your body so that you can gauge the difference between a satisfying work out and undue heat stress.  If you love strong power and flow practices, tune in to make sure you’re not pushing to far.

Hot Yoga.  Unless you are a seasoned hot yoga practitioner, refrain from practicing hot during your pregnancy.  During hot yoga, you are practicing in an environment that is akin to a moist sauna and the body’s normal ability to regulate heat can be challenged.  Practicing in a room temperature environment will give your body more ease regulating your temperature.

Your amazing circulatory system

During your pregnancy, you will generate 40% more fluid in your body (one of the reasons that prenatal ladies appear a bit fuller  – it’s not fat, but fluid), which means that your circulatory system is working extra hard to pump it all around.  With your heart on double duty, keep your cardiovascular activity reasonable and stay in tune with what feels good for your body.  For example, give yourself permission to skip some of the sun salutations, breathe at your own rate, and avoid holding your breath in pranayama.

Trimester 2&3

Size matters!

The most obvious change during this time is the growth of your babe.  As your uterus expands, the baby will encroach upon your internal organs – including your lungs. As your breath capacity will naturally be a little compromised, take your time in class and let go of the need to keep pace with the class.  Breathe in the timing that you need and feel free to take more breaths than “dictated” by the vinyasa pattern.

Another good rule of thumb: don’t squish the baby!  Take this credo into your practice and play with modifications such as:

  • Take an open twist (away from your thighs) rather than into your thighs
  • Twist through the upper spine; avoid compressing the lower belly
  • Rather than laying your belly in backbending during sun salutations or when they class is lying prone, stay on your hands and knees and do cat cow. Or you can place a bolster under your hips so your belly has space to hang unencumbered.
  • Keep your legs hip distance apart in forward folds to make room for your belly.
  • To avoid overstretching the belly (and the linea alba), refrain from deep backbending

One more note: there’s a vein called the Vena Cava that runs along the right side of the abdomen behind the internal organs. When lying on your back or your right side, the weight of the baby can compress the vein and lead to a feeling of light-headedness.  Modify supine poses accordingly so that you not lying flat.  In Savasana, it can be lovely to lay on an inclined bolster, or cuddle a bolster laying on your left side.

Pelvic Floor and Optimal Fetal Position

Contrary to popular belief, sometimes our pelvic floor can be too tight!  We want strong and supple pelvic floors that know how to contract as well as release and expand.  (Letting go will be important during labor, after all!)  Use this time to get to know your pelvic floor.  Get a perineal massage, send your breath into your pelvic basin, and find opportunities in class to soften the adductors and widen and relax the pelvic floor during your practice.  We often shy away from really  experiencing our pelvis, and pregnancy is a wonderful opportunity to get in touch with this marvelous trampoline.

During pregnancy, the lower back will naturally become more lordodic.  This is a natural adjustment to the weight of the baby.  Poses that take weight off your spine and let your pelvis move into an anterior tilt (cow pose, baddha konasana with forward fold, etc) will feel great.  Avoid slouching on the couch or other poses where the pelvis tucks under. And ladies – you are off the hook from tucking your tailbones. Enjoy your natural lumbar curve in all your poses.  As your pregnancy progresses, this anterior positioning will help the baby to find his or her optimal fetal position by laying the spine along your belly with his or her head down.

A note on inversions

Some schools of thought counsel avoiding inversions in the first trimester.  The first trimester is the most delicate time of a pregnancy, and it’s important to check in with your doctor to see if there’s any reason you should avoid being upside down.  Bluntly, it’s not likely that anything that you would reasonably do in a yoga class would impair a normal pregnancy.  If a pregnancy is risky, then caution will need to be taken for all your physical activities.  While pregnancy isn’t the best time to start a new inversions practice, you are free to continue your current inversions practice if that still feels good.  Exercise reasonable caution as your pregnancy progresses and your weight, center of gravity, and joint stability shifts.  However, abstain from inversions once baby has found his or her optimal fetal positioning in the third trimester.

In a nutshell…

Top suggestions for practicing when pregnant:

  • Don’t squish the baby
  • Avoid squishing your vena cava (squishing occurs through lying flat or on right side)
  • Breathe at your own rate
  • Take your time
  • Get in touch with your pelvic floor
  • Every pregnancy is different; trust your feelings and your body!

Congratulations, and enjoy!

Elimination Diet: Week 2

funny-pictures-cat-is-tiredMy god, what a week.

The fatigue was unreal.

I’m not sure which had the greater effect on my energy – caffeine withdrawal, the food detox, or the kick-my-booty yoga workshop with Desi Springer and John Friend – but I was a tired puppy dog.  Surely it’s a combination of all three, but I’m putting my money on caffeine as the primary culprit.

I even took naps.  Yes, naps.  Now, I am not what you’d call a nap person, but there was an afternoon that I could not help myself but collapse into bed between the yoga training and teaching and passed out.  Deep, sloggy, bone-ass tired.

And the moods.

Friends, I would like to share: I am not always a bright, chipper ray of sunshine.  Yes, I love the light.  I relish the uplifting joy of being alive, embodied and in play with the universe.  Like a plant, I yearn to lean into the light and expand my happy little leaves.  But there are days where I descend into the darkness and the muck.  My happy little leaves get squashed under a big-ass boot called “Anxiety-Depression” and down I go into the boggy depths.

Last week there were moments of light…and there was also some serious swamp time.

But sometimes we gotta be in the swamp.  There ain’t no lotus without the mud.   If we’re going to clean the house, there are going to be some dust bunnies.  Now – relatively on the other side – I marvel at the emotional journey.  Yoga was incredibly helpful during this time.  I am very grateful for Desi Springer and John Friend’s heart-bursting, booty shaking yoga workshops.  I have no doubt that – despite my weary resistance – consistently working to expand my physical body helped to woo my nervous system from its depths.

Tips for your first week

From my experience over this last week, here are some tips for you if you’re going on a cleanse:

  • Be ready to be tired.  The fatigue that you’ve been hiding under your sugar and caffeine feedings will surface.  Let it come.  Embrace it.  It is your authentic energy body finally having a chance to ask for rest.  Give yourself the time and space to get quiet.  Sleep.
  • Allow your emotions to surface, rise, and pass.  Like your fatigue, emotions frequently get stuffed under food and drinking habits.  We dull out the feelings we don’t want with alcohol and comfort foods.  Breathe.  It’s okay.
  • Do yoga.  Show up to your practice.  But give yourself permission to modify.  Try restorative or yin.
  • Slow down, clear your schedule.  Give yourself permission to nourish your senses with walks outside, music, good books.
  • Drink warm liquids.  Even just warm water.  Warm liquids help your digestion and calm your nervous system.
  • Sit quietly for 5 minutes a day and simply feel your body and your breath.

On another note, forgive your cleanse lapses.

I had some slip up’s this week (like the moment I realized my beloved Bragg’s is made with soy.  Duh.  I think I was in denial.), but the big picture is really what’s important.  You are making big positive changes.  Do your best, but forgive the lapses.  Then do your best.

And my caffeine update.  Okay, I had a small caffeine lapse.  And I’ve been a little obsessive about decaf coffee.  I know it’s a sticky point for me.  So as a personal challenge, next week I may try to get off coffee entirely.  Onwards.  Week 3.

 

Elimination diet: first week

49thUm, I think I’ll consider this week a warm up week.   A…mostly elimination diet week.

I’ve done a pretty good job of cutting out the potential causes of digestive alarm, but…there have been a couple slip ups.  Mostly involving decaf coffee and diary substitutes.  (Starbucks – why do you only have soy?  Why?)   However, since discovering the outrageous goodness of almond-milk decaf lattes (really good ones available at 49th parallel, Whole Foods, Bica, and Gene’s), I feel that I can overcome nearly anything.  That is, except letting go of decaf coffee entirely.

Another Achilles heel?  Popcorn.  I am a crunchy, crunch finger food-lovin’ fan.  But corn is a no-go (even dry popped and organic), so instead I will satiate my crunch needs forthwith on rice cakes.

While eliminating many of the comfort foods from my diet is a physical challenge (read on, friends, read on), the really interesting part of this process is psychological.  It’s become very entertaining to watch my mind find excellent excuses for satiation:

  • “But I deserve a coffee!”
  • “Surely a little won’t hurt.”
  • “It’s just rude not to toast with real champagne!”
  • “But popcorn is healthy!”
  • “They’ll think I’m so weird for not drinking!”  (It is so much fun to make others responsible for my decisions.)

Truly, a major reason that I’m doing this elimination process is to withstand the strident compulsions of my mind.  By changing the way I eat, I am beginning to change my identity as an eater.  I am not interested in being on a temporary diet that will have me yo-yoing between being “good” and “bad.”   Rather, I’d love to set up eating habits (and an identity) that will best support my functionality, wellness, and happiness as a human being.  Going a bit to an extreme through this elimination diet helps me to confront the harpy voices in my head and settle into the discomfort of not appeasing my mind’s every whim.  Getting comfortable with discomfort opens a world of possibilities and helps us to make good choices that are inconvenient.

…Even though I’m not giving up decaf coffee.

Yes, I see the irony.  But baby steps, okay?

Symptom #1: Fatigue

So, I’ve been absolutely exhausted.  Waking up in the mornings has been a muddy slog.  The first four days of last week were characterized by dullness and headaches – symptoms almost certainly caused by caffeine withdrawal.  And not only do I want to sleep, but my muscles feel physically tired as well.  Attempting to get exercise has been pretty hilarious.  I consider it a triumph if I just make it to class and do the minimum.  And I’m sore!  It’s as if my body is saying, “Slow down there, sister!”  So yes, body, I’m listening.  Slowing down as ordered.

The last time I withdrew from caffeine I experienced a similar torpor.  It’s as if going off caffeine suddenly exposed my underlying extant exhaustion.

These unpleasant side affects raises the question: well, why quit caffeine anyway?  If drinking caffeine gives me a happy high that makes the world seem grand,  why forgo that experience?  Is it that bad for you?

Well, for me, even though the highs feel great, the troughs of a caffeine crash are so brutal that I lose a sense of the difference between real and chemical fatigue.  I also have a hard time with moderation.  My little rat brain thinks: if one cup is good, surely four will be amazing!

For me, caffeine is like a bad, bad boyfriend.  When he’s there, he feels sooooo good…and when he’s gone it feels sooooooo bad.  Until I get over that cheating motherf*cker.

More symptoms

A secondary word for the week: bloating!  Damn, but those veggies know how to turn me into a puff-monster.   With a little pooching, I can seriously look as if I’m in my second trimester.  I think the problem will be ameliorated by the deliberate addition of fish into my diet, rather than trying to source my protein exclusively from vegetables.

Other symptoms?  I’ve also had a lovely breakout on my face.  I’m told this could be related.

Week 1A: 

So: tomorrow begins the…ah, “no-cheating-whatsoever!” portion of the elimination diet.

Well, truthfully, I will do my best, I’m also going to be okay with occasional slip up’s.

Otherwise I’ll accidentally eat soy, give up the ghost, and eat a cake.

Stay tuned.

 

Elimination Diet: First two days

CoffeeOooohhh, coffee!  Coffee I miss you!  Ohhhh, your sweet, sweet caffeine-y goodness!

Well, I have to share, I’m not off to the most perfect of beginnings.  Let’s just start with coffee.

I’ve spent the last ten days in Hawaii, where I went a little overboard (okay – a LOT) with the kona deliciousness.  Oh, delicious kona coffee!  How yummy you are!  I wasn’t going to eliminate coffee completely from my diet right off the bat, but I showed up at the office and we’d run out.  Darn it!  I had some black tea, but friends, it is not the same.   Just.  Not.  The.  Same.  So I’ve spent the last 48 hours sleepy and with a headache (not helped by the red eye flight and jetlag, I’m sure).  Rather stubbornly, I haven’t taken any Advil.  Although I wasn’t really planning on eliminating caffeine right away, I don’t want to let all this headachey detox go to waste.   I’m going to stick to decaf coffee and teas.  I may get away from coffee and caffeinated tea entirely…but let’s not be too hasty.  This is admittedly a place where I’m a little fuzzy in the elimination diet.

Another hiccup to my start: I did my requisite Whole Foods trip (that’s one of the perks of healthy diet change – a gleeful trip to fill a shopping cart with all sort of permitted goodies), but I had forgotten that on my list is no citrus, corn, and potatoes.  Hmmmm, whoops.  They just seemed so healthy when I put them in my cart.  My tactic is to eat them all immediately and consider these first couple days a “ramping up” into the true elimination.  Also, I just realized I can’t eat mustard.  I love mustard.  Or popcorn.  I love popcorn.  Rats.

Other news?

Well, let’s just put it this way.  My guy decided to stay in Hawaii and extra week and I’m darn glad that he did, lest my veggie inspired emissions mar his image of me as a ladylike creature.  It’s been an exciting two days.

To recap:  what is currently out of my diet:

  • gluten, flour
  • soy (and soy sauce, oh, sad!)
  • dairy
  • nuts/seeds
  • legumes
  • alcohol
  • caffeinated coffee
  • eggs

I’m also going meatless here, but we’ll see how this goes.  Without nuts, seeds, or soy, I’ll have to stay aware of how I feel.

Onwards!

 

 

Elimination Diet: Prelude

Herein begins the tale of a 3-week odyssey into an….(bum bum bum) elimination diet!

Ever since a trip to India awhile back, my digestion has been plagued by inconsistency.  I’ve tried being vegan, omnivorous, seen two naturopaths, seen an acupuncturist, done the antibiotic route….and still had a grumpy gut.  Having spent the last while happily in mai tai’s and  kona coffee, this seems like a perfect time to do a reset, clean up my act, and see if I can get to the bottom of what ails me.

An elimination diet removes foods that have a tendency to cause digestion issues.  Basically, you take away all the trouble makers for three weeks, then add them in one at a time to see if you have a reaction.

Here’s the game plan I’m intending to follow, courtesy of Precision Nutrition:

“To begin with, a good elimination diet will remove gluten, dairy, soy, eggs, corn, pork, beef, chicken, beans/lentils, coffee, citrus fruits, nuts, and nightshade vegetables. That might sound like a lot, but it leaves plenty of options for a relatively satisfying diet comprised primarily of rice, meat (i.e. turkey, fish, lamb), most fruit, and most types of vegetables.

The following table gives an example of what to include and exclude during an elimination diet.”

Foods to include Foods to exclude
Fruits Almost all fresh fruit Citrus fruits (orange, grapefruit, lemon, lime, etc)
Vegetables Almost all fresh raw, steamed, sautéed, or roasted vegetables Tomatoes, eggplant, potatoes (sweet potato and yams are okay)
Starch Rice*, buckwheat* Wheat, corn, barley, spelt, kamut, rye, oats, all gluten-containing products
Legumes Soybeans, tofu, tempeh, soy milk, all beans, peas, lentils
Nuts and seeds All seeds and nuts
Meat and fish Fish, turkey, lamb, wild game Beef, chicken, pork, cold cuts, bacon, hotdogs, canned meat, sausage, shellfish, meat substitutes made from soy
Dairy products and milk substitutes Unsweetened rice milk*, almond milk, coconut milk Milk, cheese, cottage cheese, cream, yogurt, butter, ice cream, non-dairy creamers, eggs
Fats Cold-expeller pressed olive oil, flaxseed oil, coconut oil Margarine, butter, processed and hydrogenated oils, mayonnaise, spreads
Beverages Drink plenty of fresh water, herbal teas (e.g. rooibos, peppermint, etc.) Alcohol, caffeine (coffee, black tea, green tea, soda)
Spices and condiments Sea salt, fresh pepper, fresh herbs and spices (i.e. garlic, cumin, dill, ginger, oregano, parsley, rosemary, thyme, turmeric) Chocolate, ketchup, mustard, relish, chutney, soy sauce, barbecue sauce, vinegar
Sweeteners Stevia (if needed) White or brown sugar, honey, maple syrup, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, desserts

Join if you wish and do your own version..perhaps just eliminating alcohol, refined sugar, and gluten, for example. Time for a good fall cleaning!

Here we go!

Going Vegan: the end

The issue of poo

Ever since I went to India, my digestion has been…shall we say, “off.”  Ummmm, for those of you who like better descriptors, shall we say…”fuzzy.”  Or ill-formed.  Or goopy.  Or how about let’s just say that my body is not producing the perfect, soft, firm poo that we all aspire to.

I got my poo tested (trust me, you do not want to know how I did this), then did the usual Western solution and endured three weeks on some particularly disgusting antibiotics in an effort to rid myself of my new-found digestive pest.

To no avail.

 

The sexy naturopath

In desperation, I went to a highly recommended naturopath, who suggested that I do an elimination diet.   She was dressed like one of the real housewives of Newark, New Jersey.   She had high hair, massive bosoms, and a soft, knowing manner.  I quite liked her, and admired how she was able to walk in heels that were so high.

I took an expensive allergy test, waited three weeks, and came back for the update.  She said that though I looked skinny, I had fat around my organs that wasn’t healthy.  I had developed allergies to several foods, but luckily nothing that was permanent.  If I was disciplined for 9 months, I could help my body recover from all of my bad habits and reset my system.  And then she put me on a diet that removed…well, almost everything.

  • no gluten, flour
  • no dairy
  • no soy
  • no eggs
  • no nuts
  • no seeds
  • no alcohol
  • no caffeine, no coffee
  • no sugary foods
  • nothing fermented (this truly sucks.  No Braggs.  No Braggs???)
  • nothing that would add to yeast (no nutritional yeast, my vegan friends)
  • no bananas (particular to me, I have an allergy.  Which makes sense, because they make me feel sick.)
  • no broccoli (particular to me, because I lived on it all the time)
  • no pineapples
  • no citrus fruits
  • no corn
  • no nightshades (tomatoes, eggplants)
  • no potatoes

Understand: when I went to see her, I was vegan.

Take another look at this list, my friends.  No soy, no nuts, no seeds?  What does a vegan eat exactly?

Answer: the vegan eats meat.

Oh, and the naturopath’s specially formulated protein shake mix that she’ll sell you for a low-low price and you’ll need to eat as two meal replacements.

Now, when this event happened, I was ready to try anything to fix up my belly.  Veganism had been a bit tough on my innards.  (For more information, see the many posts on flatulence under “Going Vegan.”)  So, with my newfound, “what not to eat” knowledge, I went home whipped up a buffalo meat stew.  Yep, the same night.

Alan watched from the sidelines, incredulously.

“You’re cooking meat?”

“Yes,” I say, stirring our stew.

“You’ve been vegan for five months, haven’t eaten red meat in 15 years, and now you’re making a buffalo chili.”

“Yes.”

He crossed his arms, leaned against the fridge, suspicious of his good fortune.  “Why?”

“The naturopath says I should.  And I’m anemic, so I’m low on iron.  She says that if I’m going to eat meat, buffalo is my best protein source.”

“I am,” he says emphatically, “thrilled about this.”  Alan, though very supportive, had never been a big fan of my veganism.  At heart, he was an avid meat eater stuck in a pescetarian psyche for the last ten years, and his natural carnivorous cravings were beginning to catch up with him.  My decision to go omnivore suddenly lifted his self-imposed ban as well.

My parents happened to be in town visiting (from Texas, so you can well-imagine that they were also pleased with my culinary turnaround), so we all sat down to eat together.

Alan took a bite and moaned, “It’s soooo good!  Why have I deprived myself for so long!”  He looked at me, wide-eyed and slightly wild, “This is amazing.  I want to always eat like this.”

I took a moment to pray for the buffalo before eating.  Thank you, buffalo.  Thank you for showing me so clearly this great cycle of life and impermanence, and my place within it.  I will not always be here, either, and this moment reveals the constant ebb and flow of material and life force, and my part in it – at least for now.  Thank you.

And I ate.

Did it taste good?  Well, yep, it tasted pretty darn good.  Was I freaked out to be eating meat?  A little freaked out.  But I’d been raised on meat, so it actually didn’t feel or taste that weird.   And what, you may ask, were the side effects?   What happened to my poor system from eating a pretty good portion of red meat after 15 years without?

Answer: nothing.  Absolutely nothing.

And, wouldn’t you know, my digestion started to improve too.

 

The follow up

In addition to encouraging carnivorousness, the naturopath had also put me on a rigorous supply of supplements (sold by her, top quality at a low, low price) and her twice daily shakes.  When I went in for a check up, she measured my body fat percentage.  It was higher than when I started.

“Isn’t that weird,” I said suspiciously.  “I thought that number was supposed to go down.  You know, the organ fat.”

“No, sometimes it doesn’t.  It’s okay.”

“Maybe it’s because I’m drinking like a can of coconut milk a day in these shakes.”

“No, it’s not the shakes,” she says, “the shakes are fine.”

“And how long am I supposed to do this?”

“Nine months.”

Uh huh.

 

More problems

Soon after, I started getting massive stomach cramps after drinking the shakes.  I’d never experienced anything like it.

I emailed her, “Why am I getting massive stomach cramps?”

She emailed me back that it’s probably because I’m cheating on my diet. See, even the tiniest cheat can cause a massive setback.  And the tricky things is, you won’t experience an immediate side-effect.  The side effect can turn up a couple days later.  So really, you never know what’s causing your symptoms.  Or maybe it’s the flax oil.  Sometimes that causes a reaction.

Uh huh.

I’m starting not to like this naturopath anymore.  Particularly because she’s right: I am cheating.  It’s four months in and I’m exhausted by the restrictions (particularly the “nothing fermented” rule.  This eliminates pickles, mustards, citric acid…it’s  serious challenge.)  Particularly since the smallest cheat can apparently cause massive problems, it’s hard to tell if it’s actually working.  Am I going through a “healing crisis,” or reacting to a cheat?  Or is my body pissed off because I’m not eating  anything that it’s used to?

I decide that it’s not likely that putting a dollop of cream in my decaf coffee is causing massive cramps.  I think it’s more likely being caused by the massive amount of rice protein and coconut milk that I’m being told to consume every day.  Or the 20 pills per day.  Or the amount of money I’m spending.

I stop going.  It doesn’t feel right and I don’t trust the process.  I don’t trust her.

I go out and have a pizza.  Gluten, starchy, cheesy yum pizza.

And it is delicious.

And frankly, yes, I do feel bloated and paunchy afterwards.

But damn, it was good.

 

Post-script

I am still not satisfied.

Ethically, veganism rocks.  However, as a vegan, my body does both better and worse than it does consuming animal products.   And I do feel a profound connection to the cycle of life and death as an omnivore, though perhaps that is not commensurate with the argument to be made against suffering and the impact the animal husbandry can have on the environment.  Eating only fish (great protein, great omega’s, perhaps the best option) has some problems now due to overfishing and concerns about radioactive saturation from Fukushima.)

More investigation needs to be done.  The self-laboratory continues…

 

 

Going Vegan, Ep. 23: The Blue Front

drowning-in-plasti_1391171cMore distressing news from the Blue Front.

Colbert had a guest on this show named Captain Charles Moore, who discovered (or rather, did not discover, but talked about) the giant floating patch of garbage that can be found in the Pacific Ocean between Asia and North America.  He brought in a tub of plastic bits that had been taken off the shores of Hawaii.  Not encouraging.  Apparently instead of coral, our beaches will soon be made of old Tupperware and plastic baggies.

I also finished the Ocean book (“The World is Blue,” by Sylvia Earle).  It was hard to read.  Kind of like taking the Omega 3 oil that I’m supposed to take everyday.  Frankly, kind of unpleasant. (I’ve been neglecting my Udo’s Oil supplement lately.  The taste and texture just has done me in.)  Basically, we’ve depleted our fishing stocks and destroyed the sea floor so much that until something drastic is done, we are on a steep decline to no-happy-ocean-ville.  And no happy ocean-ville means no happy-people-ville.

Did you know that most of our oxygen comes from the ocean?  All the furor about the Amazonian rainforest – justified as is might be – has deterred our eyes from the more desperate question: what if we muck up the food chain in the ocean so much that the algae stops doing what we need it to do?

Not to mention that eating all these delicious top of the food chain fish (tuna, salmon, flounder, swordfish) means that we’re ingesting the compounded heavy metals (and yes, plastic) that these guys have been eating underwater for the last 100 years.  It also messes up the food chain by taking out the big boys.

AND, there’s also been some speculation lately about contamination from the Fukushima catastrophe.

So, I am concerned and a bit overwhelmed.  What do we do?  And what can I do in my own small little life to help make a difference in these global issues?

I take some solace in a quote from Gandhi: “Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that you do it.”

One step at at time, my friends.  Or one mouthful.

 

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Going Vegan, Ep. 22: A Buddhist’s take on vegetarianism

reggie_rayI went with my friend Vicki to see Reginald Ray speak at the Vancouver Public Library.  Ray is in his sixties, has a doctorate in religious studies and is currently meditation instructor in the tradition of vajrayana Buddhism (tantric).  The founder of Dharma Ocean, a retreat center in Colorado, he spoke of intimacy and really “seeing” others, as well as of our need to renew our intimacy with the earth.

At the end of his talk, he asked for questions.  A thin, dark-haired young woman who was sitting in front of me nudged her partner, who shrugged and motioned her to get up.  She made her way up to the microphone.

She shook out her long hair and spoke in a soft voice.  “What do you think about eating animal products?  Don’t you think that not eating animal products is the way to become more evolved and that it is necessary for us to move forward?”

I perked up.

He paused and studied her a moment, “What do you think?”

“I have been a vegan for over ten years.  And it changed my life.  I felt closer to everything, more aware.  And that seems to be the way to go, to be compassionate to the earth, to others.”

My friend Vicki mutters, “So judgmental.”

He took his time, “I would say that that was a very good decision for you.  You got a lot of out of and it works for you.  But I don’t think it works for everyone.  Like me.  I eat an enormous amount of animal protein.  An enormous amount.  For health reasons.  I have this theory I was a Tibetan in my last life, and their diet is almost all animal protein, because there is nothing else.  But this is where we get into trouble as people.  When we find what is right for us and decide that then this must be right for everyone.   Then we are not “seeing” each other.”

“Hmmm,” she said.

He looked around, “The original humans were hunter gatherers.  But they hunted only what they needed.  They thanked the animal for its sacrifice in feeding the people.  Today the problem isn’t the eating of the animals, but the lack of responsibility in the way that it is done.”  He looked back at her kindly, “Dare I say there might come a time when you are no longer a vegan.”

She shook her head emphatically, “No, no, no.  My email address is “forevervegan.” I will never eat meat.”

He smiled, “In Buddhism, we have this thing called impermanence.”

 

Vicki and I hung out after the talk.  “I was so glad she asked that,” I said, “so interesting to see her assume that veganism had to be the way to go.”

Vicki paused.  “I hate that.”

Vicki is a soft-spoken MS physical therapist who has done a bunch of meditation retreats.  She is a fellow yoga teacher; we met when she came to one of my classes and we realized that we’d gone through the same teacher training.  Our yoga style is a tantric yoga tradition, which means that the point is not to transcend life, but to become a deeper, more conscious part of it.

“I went to a vegan feast at Burning Man once,” she said, “It became very clear that I had to lie as soon as I arrived.”  She smiled, “I’m a terrible liar, but they were…ferocious.”  She laughs, “That’s such an animalistic word to describe a vegan.”

“They are, though,” I agree.   “They can be ferocious.”

“I couldn’t tell them that I wasn’t vegan.  But I’m also gluten intolerant, so they were like, “Wow, you can’t have wheat, bread, or eggs, or dairy, what do you eat?” ‘ She laughs, “I didn’t know what to say, I said, oh, you know, uh, quinoa and vegetables.  Lots of quinoa and vegetables.”

She pauses, “I do try to be responsible about what I eat.  I eat consciously and I respect my food.  But I like what Reggie said.  You have to see others where they are.  And be where you are.”

Vicki and Reggie got me to thinking.  Is being vegan a way of resisting – in some way – the impermanence of life?  After all, I don’t believe a cheetah is malicious when it takes down a zebra.   Of course we have a choice and that choice involves non-violence.. but I  began to wonder if eating vegetables was a way for me to avoid staring death in the face.  After all, if you’re paying attention, eating an animal is a huge signpost that points straight at our own mortality.

When I ate my dinner that night, I took a moment to bow my head to my food.  “Thank you,” I thought to my carrots, “for reminding me that I am part of the cycle of life.  From the seed and sun and soil, you have have grown.  Now you will become part of my body, dissolving and transforming – and nourishing me.  So I can go forth and participate in this world.  You remind me that I am a part of this cycle of impermanence.  Of change.  Amen.  Namaste. Om.”

 

What yoga has to do with time management (answer: everything)

time managementWe’ve all said it, “There are not enough hours in the day.”

I berate myself: why can’t I fit in a yoga practice, a jog, personal study, long walks with my boyfriend, getting a pedicure, making a home cooked meal, and blog writing all into one day? Oh, oh, wait, while working my full-time job?  Surely if I got up earlier, slept less, and were more efficient, I could get it all done.  Right?

Wrong.

We can’t possibly do it all, so let’s free ourselves from that impossible standard right now.   However, it may be possible to do it all over time.  Or to get the essential tasks done, but with more ease and grace…and still leave time for that pedicure.

Here’s how.

Meditation, or, “Do one thing at a time”

As a reminder, I have a post-it note with “do one thing at a time” on my laptop.

Our brains are like little monkeys, bouncing from one point of stimulation to the next.  Multi-tasking is a myth left over from the frantic 80’s and 90’s, where effective workers were seen to be octopi with 8 arms doing everything at once.  When we multi-task, we feel as if we’re quite busy, because our mind is doing the monkey dance.  (And in our brains, “busy” somehow feels like we’re getting a lot done.  It’s the “frantic” = “efficient” myth.)  However, it actually takes our brain longer to multi-task because it has to switch back and forth between activities.  So while we feel really effective checking our email while we work on a project, we’re actually losing valuable time.

In meditation, we task the mind to return to doing one thing.  Despite the natural monkey mind distractions, we return again and again to the task at hand.  In meditation, we usually return to the breath or to a mantra; in work, we can return to our single activity. One-pointed focus stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system, which creates an environment for calm and healing in the body.   Similarly, working on one activity at a time in our work will help us become calm and more settled.  Don’t be seduced by the outdated multi-tasking myth; equipoise is our most productive mind state. 

Turn off your email

A huge part of “doing one thing at a time” is to address our addiction to instantly answering email.

Email is the “shiny thing” of the 21st century.   Nothing makes our monkey mind happier than the hearing the captivating ping and vibrations that occur when a new email drops into our inbox.  A new email means that we are important.  Monkey mind says, “We must check it now!”

Um, actually monkey mind?   Simmer down now.

Most emails aren’t urgent, and yet we still feel compelled to answer them immediately.  Instead, set aside specific times of day (perhaps one or two) to answer your email – then stick to them.  When you’re not in email answer mode, then turn it off.  If it’s an emergency, they will call.

Same theory goes to our phone.  Turn off your text notifications so that you can stay focused on your task without interruption.

Chunking

A rather inelegant word, “chunking” also goes hand in hand with “no-multi-tasking.”  It involves putting similar tasks together.  In other words, set aside a block of time to do just your email. Then set aside time to do just your phone calls.  Then just your writing.  Etc.  Chunking – like doing one thing at a time – lets your mind settle into a rhythm and become more focused.  Optimal performance happens in 90-minute cycles, so make sure to give yourself the time you need to dig into each of your projects.

Refuel…and Breathe

Productive work is a marathon, not a sprint.  Take some time during your day to walk outside, take a stretch, breathe deeply.  Do a little yoga.  Savour your lunch – and for goodness sake, don’t eat at your desk.  Instead, give your senses the nourishment they deserve.  Taste your food.  Feel your body.  Take a mini-vacation from your left-brain through visualization, imagination, and sensations.

Even a five-minute break will rejuvenate you and allow you to return your left-brain tasks with more focus and energy.

Contentment

When we are planning large projects, we can easily become overwhelmed by the amount we need to accomplish, which may drive us to dive in and frantically try to make headway.  Instead, pause and make a long-term plan that allows you to take small and incremental steps every day to realize your vision.  Practicing pacing and patience will give you the stamina and support necessary to make your vision a reality.

Effective planning will also give you the perspective to know when it’s time to stop working and let a project rest.  Practicing contentment (santosha) with your daily efforts lets you take meaningful steps forward while maintaining a balanced life.

Finally, don’t sweat the small stuff

Great time management means knowing when to not do something.

When you are planning out your day, ask yourself: which tasks are the most important in terms of moving your priorities forward?

Don’t be afraid to let go of tasks that don’t serve your priorities.  Simplify. The Sanskrit word for discernment is “buddhi;” it is the part of our mind that speaks beyond our habitual, ego-driven reactions.  The voice of buddhi is the one that invites us to take a step back, breathe, and make a more conscious choice in the moment about what is important. 

Time Management: your yoga at work

Time Management is more than about completing a task list; true time management is an invitation to assess our priorities, choose with discernment, and practice mindfulness.  Not only will we become more effective at completing our projects, we will accomplish more with ease and a sense of calm.

So remember:

  • Do one thing at a time
  • Refuel
  • Practice contentment
  • Don’t sweat the small stuff

Not only will conscious time management enable us to become more productive and effective, its greater gift is that it offers us another avenue to practice yoga and mindfulness in our everyday lives.

When to say “no” to a yoga job

Still from "Office Space," very funny movie involving spectacularly bad management.
Still from “Office Space,” very funny movie involving spectacularly bad management.

I recently received  an email from a former student.  As a newer teacher, we are obviously excited about teaching and eager to take advantage of opportunities when they arrive.  However, they may not always be the right opportunities!  Here’s what she wrote:

“I do hope you are well! I need some advice, and I was hoping you could offer some.

I have been subbing for a fantastic yoga teacher who has offered me a couple permanent classes. Unfortunately the subbing has not been going well and the management is a real drag to get a long with. They don’t answer e-mails, classes have been canceled and I don’t find up until I get up there, room changes that I am unaware of and doors locked that don’t get opened until half way through the class…

Although the money is great and I don’t want to disappoint the teacher, I feel like I need to pass on the classes. However, I am concerned that I should just suck it up and take the money and experience…. If you have the time to offer any advice it would be greatly appreciated.” What an amazing question!  When we’re just starting off, we often feel pressured to take experience – any experience! – because we love yoga and want to dive in.  My response:

“Trust your instincts.
Express gratitude for the opportunity, but politely decline.  You are not disappointing her (and if you are, then that is her challenge and not yours)..she is offering you something that would need to benefit both of you in order to be a win/win.  And given the situation, it would not.  As much as they audition US, we are also auditioning THEM.
Depending on your relationship (or her inquiries), you could choose to be honest.
“I admire your teaching and am very grateful for the opportunities that have been given to me.  I would love to find a situation that works for both of us.  I have had a few experiences that are a little unsettling and are giving me pause from accepting the classes. (Detail the issues – specifically and non-judgmentally.)  When these communication issues occurred, I felt unimportant and ill-at-ease – especially because I have to travel such a distance to get to the studio.  If I were to join your community, I would want to feel confident that we could communicate earlier about studio changes.  What are your thoughts/ feelings around that?”
If it’s just too far and not worth discussing, then a polite “thank you for the opportunity, but it’s not the right opportunity given my other obligations right now” will suffice.”
Subjecting ourselves to unprofessional management isn’t part of a karmic debt. Evaluate each opportunity as it comes, and consider the proposition in view of the greater tapestry of your life.
  • Will this experience elevate or diminish me?  
  • Am I holding them to the same professional standards that I hold myself?
  • Do I truly feel good about accepting the management limitations because of the experience I will be gaining?
  • What are my instincts?
When we’re starting out, we don’t always have access to the teaching options we desire.  But we do have the power to say “No” to situations that will not serve us.  Being a newer teacher isn’t carte blanche for inappropriate managerial behaviour.  Make your decision clearly weighing your options.  And remember – other teaching opportunities will arise.  Keep your eyes on the studios and management that feel like your community, and focus your efforts there.
Happy teaching!

How to choose your perfect mentor

mentorIn my role as the Director of the YYoga Teachers’ College, I have frequently been asked by recent training graduates, “Now, how do I choose my mentor?”  For yoga students, this is akin to asking the question, “How do I choose my teacher?”

First, it’s important define exactly a mentor is.  From Greek mythology, “Mentor” was the name of the Odysseus’s trusted friend who was charged with the responsibility of raising his son while Odysseus was away on his travels.  A mentor is therefore a trusted guide, whose role is to teach from the light of his or her own experience.  Not only does a mentor advise, but he or she is also expected to model ideal behaviour.

In looking for a mentor, we are not trying to find someone who will simply tell us what to do.  As yoga students, we come to the learning table with the substantial weight of our personal practice and life experience.  As yoga teachers, we can add our teacher training to our list of resources.  At the same time, we want our mentor to have more experience than us, so that they can advise us as one who has already “traveled the path.”  Entering into a mentorship is entering into a partnership, where each party values the others strengths and contributions.

When looking for a mentor or teacher, it is important to find someone with whom you can develop a relationship of trust, communication, and mutual respect.

Ask yourself:

  • Which teachers model the behaviour or teaching that I wish to cultivate within myself?
  • Who inspires me?
  • With whom do I feel that I can communicate honestly and effectively?
  • Who do I feel comfortable asking questions of?  And sharing my own point of view?
  • With whom do I feel mutual respect as a teacher and person?

Finding a mentor with knowledge is only part of the journey; we also need to choose a mentor with the ability to provide us with communicable resources to develop our own skills.

Finally, when looking for a mentor, remember that you are not asking for a favor.  In its best incarnation, the mentorship process is a two-way street, where your mentor will benefit and learn as much – if not more – than you by the partnership.   A good mentor will cherish the opportunity to be a humble student as well as a knowledgeable guide.

Happy learning!

Cirque de Soleil. And your yoga teacher.

In the furor to “get noticed” and have street cred, yoga instructors are often expected to display Cirque de Soleil like physical prowess. Can you do a crazy pose? Do you have mad, unusual flexibility? Then I am impressed and you are suitable to be my teacher!

While I have great respect for dedicated yogis who have developed mastery as a result of their commitment, I do feel obliged to point out that gymnastics and yoga – though they bear some resemblance and have apparently some shared heritage – do not have the same goal.

Because it is challenging to measure someone’s “inner peace” or kindness, the easier landmark becomes what we can see. Can they get their foot behind their head? Do a crazy backbend? Surely physical skill translates to spiritual evolution. Doesn’t it?

A good check in: What is the purpose of your yoga practice? Is it about physical mobility and joint range of motion? Is it about kindness? Awareness? Getting into the “flow?”

We all gravitate to our yoga teachers for different reasons. Perhaps you are seeking a teacher who pushes your physical limits. But if you are NOT seeking that experience, then why become overly infatuated by the foot behind the head thing?

A story: one of my favourite teachers offered to give a student a ride home after her class. At this unexpected expression of generosity, the student said, “Wow, that’s so nice of you!” My teacher paused for a moment, and then replied just a bit tartly, “Well, if yoga doesn’t make you kinder, then what’s the point?”

 

Sauca: transcending body image

A little context

About two thousand years ago, a guy named Patanjali compiled a series of pithy aphorisms called the yoga sutras.  These cryptic sayings contain clues on how to escape suffering and ultimately reach samadhi (meditation/ bliss).  In his compilation, he describes a series of steps called ashtanga yoga, where he offers some helpful practices to practitioners to help them on their path in meditation.

One of these aphorisms asks practitioners to practice something called “sauca” – or “cleanliness.”

Sauca

Most translations of sauca are a bit daunting, and hint that through the practice of “purity,” practitioners will ultimately find that there arises a natural disgust and disregard for their own bodies or the bodies of others.  Disgust? Disregard?  These words are off-putting to the modern reader.   At the very least, they reflect a time where our bodies, emotions, and thoughts were seen as impediments to the realization of our True Self.  Taken at its most extreme, the sutra implies that the wise will eventually feel a natural repulsion towards their physical form.

Recently in teacher training, the students offered a remarkable view on this sutra:

“We’re obsessed with our bodies, with our physical presentations.  Like Facebook, it’s all about our image.  This sutra reminds us that we’re more than our bodies, our clothes.”

“Especially for women,” another added.  “Women have been struggling with body image for a long time.”

I paused to consider their points: every woman I know is challenged by body image.  Every.  Last.  One.

Over the course of our lives, we’ve been taught that the way we look is not enough.  While we can never be too thin or too fit, we’re also not allowed to be caught dieting (ummm, but somehow “cleansing” and “fasting” are okay?).  Effortless beauty.  And god forbid you get old.

One of the most healing offerings of yoga is its capacity to offer a non-judgmental space for self-connection.  According to Yoga Journal’s 2012 survey, 82.2% of practitioners are women.  With so many women on the mat, the yoga space has the potential to be become a supportive forum for radical self-acceptance; a place where we value ourselves for how we feel on the inside rather than how we appear on the outside.

However, as marketing catches up with yoga, we are being encouraged away from the “cleanliness” of a healthy disregard for image and instead being encouraged to look like the cover of yoga Journal or purchase the right yoga outfit.  Lululemon markets its Groove pants for their ability to “create a snug gluteal enclosure of almost perfect globularity, like a drop of water” (“The Science of Yoga,” Broad, p.4).  In other words,  our yoga clothes are designed and sold to us on the premise that they should make our ass look good.  Now, I love my ass to look good on a Saturday night, but do I really want to be worried about this in yoga class?

Brought into a modern context, “sauca” could be a way of cleansing ourselves of our projections and expectations about our physical form.  Consider the following:

  • Are you self-conscious in yoga class about the way you look?
  • Do you dress to impress when you go to practice?
  • Do you worry what other people think of you in class?
  • Is there any space in which you feel comfortable to look exactly as you do?
  • How does this relate to your use of:
    • Food
    • Alcohol
    • Clothes (Lulu Groove pants included)
    • Makeup

We deserve to have a space for practice that is safe from body image judgment.  Where we can feel, and breathe, and move without worrying about who is looking.  Yoginis, we are the voice of North American yoga.  And ladies, it’s high time to reclaim the yoga studio as a safe haven for the expression of our bodies, our voices, and our spirits.