Steps for a recovering perfectionist

Are you a recovering perfectionist?

Here are some clues that you may be in this camp (with me, I might add):

  • you need (NEED) to make all the fonts match in your writing
  • you have to clean your desk before you work
  • projects are never really finished
  • there’s always one last email to send
  • you are working on one more advanced degrees because you like those cute letters that go after your name
  • yes, you need details! Who wouldn’t need more details?
  • life is never quiiiiiiiite right, and…
  • no, it’s never really good enough.

Perfectionism, or the relentless quest to turn life into a series of never-ending checkboxes, is driven by our desire to control the universe. Understandable! And clearly impossible. Ask a perfectionist, “Say, there fella, are you trying to control the universe?” and they will scoff and you and say, “Don’t be ridiculous, I’m just trying to do this right/ correctly / appropriately.” However, the truth is that underneath our cute scoffing, part of us does actually believe that if we just get it right, that the skies will open, heaven will pour down upon us,  and we will finally have that wonderful feeling of satisfaction happiness for which we have worked so hard.

But the problem with our strategy is that the world (and certainly other people) are beyond our control. Just look at your three-year old having a tantrum and you will be reminded that other people are remarkably resistant to behaving according to our wishes. But if we did manage to check all our checkboxes (the kids are behaving! my boss recognizes me! my partner talks about his feelings!), life itself will slip the noose. Without telling us, life changes the list.  Our checkboxes are suddenly obsolete! We start to feel narrow and squinty-eyed. We get frustrated, or scared, and we spend a lot of time scurrying to finish off the new list. Until life does it’s thing once more and all of our tasks are all changed. Again.

So here’s the thing: checking the boxes might make you temporarily happy (and it will certainly keep you busy), but it won’t actually give you what you want. Because no matter how many boxes we check, we will not get the “the heavens have opened and I am free and joyful” feeling.

So, my fellow perfectionists, I suggest we change the game. Rather than figuring out what “better” boxes we should be checking, or increasing our productivity so that we can check them off so much faster, let’s change our assumptions. Let’s unearth and air out our old belief that perfectionism can lead to happiness in the first place.

Here are five tips to get you going.

    1. Dance. Yes, dance. You may think you can’t, but you can. But don’t dance in order to look good. In fact, I want you to dance in your room with the door closed where no one else can see you. No looking in the mirror either. It doesn’t matter how you look, it matters how you feel. And yeah, you have to play the music that you love, even if it’s Aerosmith’s, I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing. Dance until you’re out of breath and your checkboxing happy brain is too giddy to care about the messy kitchen.
    2. “Done is better than perfect.” This is your new mantra. Try it.
    3. Practice messy. You have the choice: you can clean up the “thing” (whatever the thing is…your kitchen, your manuscript, your email box) or you can spend time doing something that puts you in the present moment, into your body, and gets you out of your busy head. You can clean it up after, I promise it’ll still be there.
    4. Contemplate death. Everyone you know is going to be dead in 120 years. Okay, I know that’s a bummer to drop as #4 on a list, but it’s true. Remembering that we are all here for just a little while will start to shake up your priorities and make those niggly details seem less important.
    5. Be wild. Go outside and hug a tree. Nature is perfect, as it is. Observe its spirals, its moss, its chaotic, fractal beauty. It’s not neat, tidy or in a box. It’s wild. And so are the people in your life. And so are you.

Give it a week. Try it out. See how you feel.

And then, yes. Use your capacity to be a perfectionist on tasks that can benefit from a steely eyed, detail oriented mind. Like correcting grammatical errors and correctly calculating tips. But keep your perfectionism out of your happy.

Giveaway: Win a 5-day Spirit Pass to BaliSpirit Festival!

What is  BaliSpirit Festival?

BaliSpirit Festival is an international yoga and music festival, celebrating community and well-being in Ubud, Bali, April 2-8, 2018. 
Now in its 11th year and moving from strength to strength, the BaliSpirit Festival has become increasingly global, attracting international leaders and a surging audience of empowered attendees from across the globe. Growing number of Yoga-Dance-Culture lovers, Music, and Wellness fanatics are joining us every year from over 50 nations for this 6-day and 7-night event on the idyllic tropical island of Bali.

The Festival Vision

  • To awaken and nourish each individual’s potential for positive change within, leading to positive change in our homes, in our communities, and around the world.
  • Through beneficial and inspirational traditions of Yoga, Dance, and Music, the Festival illustrates the Balinese Hindu concept of Tri Hita Karana: living in harmony with our spiritual, social, and natural environments.
  • To nourishing our own home in Bali, the founders pledge to provide financial, logistical, and organizational support to local charities, with a special emphasis on children’s programs, multicultural education and performance, healthcare, HIV&AIDS awareness, and environmental conservation in Bali and greater Indonesia.

Giveaway Details

  • 5-DAY SPIRIT PASS
  • $650 USD value
  • The pass valid for April 2-7, 2018 – 5 days & 6 nights
  • Enter by November 20 (winner chosen by December 1)

Includes:

  • Pre-festival opening party – April 2
  • Unlimited access to all daytime workshops – April 3-7
  • Unlimited access to all music nights – April 3-7

By donation:

  • Access to Community Day & Closing Ceremony – April 8

Does NOT Include:

  •  Special Events & Shuttle Service
However, you can still get a $75 discount on the Festival by using the promocode RachelYoga!
Check it out.

Product Review: BDirty

Who doesn’t want to get a little dirty?

I discovered these products through the founder (and my friend) Kate. What began as a hobby to share with her friends has evolved into a thriving small business because people love what she is creating.

And so do I.

BDirty is all natural honey deodorant. Hand crafted in British Columbia on her farmstead, this stuff is simple, pure, organic, and chemical free. I’ve tried lots of different kinds of natural deodorants and slathered many a crystal rock into my pits, but BDirty is the best I’ve tried. And I love their ethics.

Some of its key points:

  • handmade
  • organic
  • aluminum, paraben and phthalates free
  • recyclable glass packaging (not plastic!)
  • gmo-free
  • tested on people – not furry friends

The jars are little, but they last. A little jar lasted me a month (you really don’t need much of this stuff!). I love the size because they’re easy to carry around in my bag and great for travel.

I like this product so much that I became an ambassador for them so that I can toot their horn – and offer you, dear readers, a discount to try it out. You can grab some online or you can find it at your local BC dealers (YYoga and Nectar to name a few).

 

Check out their site and see if you like what you see.

My readers get a special 15% off! Use the promo code RACHEL15.

 

Product Review: MeetMindful, the new dating app

Tired of feeling like you’re being swiped just for your profile pic?

Friends, you might like a new dating app called MeetMindful that has come onto the scene. MeetMindful is the dating app for people who are interested in conscious living. The front webpage of the app has a photo of a guy with a man bun. Enough said.

The good folks at MeetMindful gave me a shout to test it out, and I have to say I think it’s a great alternative to some of the online sites out there. While the app is not technically different from other dating sites on the market (you get the same kind of experience in terms of seeing profile pics, about you sections, deal breakers, questions about lifestyle, etc.), MeetMindful is attracting a particular demographic of user, which changes the vibe of the experience. Most of the gentlemen that I scoped out online seemed to prioritize their health, spiritual connection, and personal growth. Their profile pics include words like “listening,” “connection,” and “mindfulness.” If these are important values for you, then MeetMindful may be a good place to connect with like-minded people.

The nitty gritty.

If you use the free version of the site, you can browse local users and like them. The premium version of the site (starting at $9 USD/ month if you buy a year, up to $29 USD/ month if you go month by month) offers you other options, such as messaging, filtering your search, and seeing who has liked your profile. You can’t message someone (or respond) unless you’re a premium user, so unless you want to simply like people and hope they message you with their information, premium is a much better option. 

MeetMindful is a newer company, and hasn’t yet broken into all markets. For example, Seattle has a lot of users, but is just starting to gain traction in Vancouver. If you’re curious to check it out, sign up for free and find out how many people are in your local community. If you like what you see, then you can opt to pay for the premium version. I think this app will attract users pretty quickly, and there’s no harm in jumping on the free version until your local community picks up. 

What I liked most about MeetMindful is that using it didn’t feel, well… sketchy. Cruising around on apps like Bumble or Tinder can feel depersonalizing.  However, users who choose to get on an app called Meet Mindful are probably not there for just a hook up.  If you’re tired of the swipe, come check it out!

Try Out Your Two Free-Day Trial Now!

 

Product Review: Bagby

Who needs a night time cuddle case for to tuck in your iPhone?

The folks at Bagby believe that “people, especially couples, are increasingly disconnected from each other” so they started a #PhoneFreeBedroomChallenge. Basically, you put your phone into this little carrier and keep it out of the bedroom. Partners agree that they’re going to keep devices out of the bedroom in order to connect more with each other. Less devices = more intimacy. Which is a great idea. I love the idea of a #screenfreebedroom. In addition to giving you more organic connect time with your loved one, you also have the added benefit of descreening your pre-sleep time, which is better for getting a good night’s rest.

So, why do you need a designated Bagby sac to have a phone free bedroom? Well, the truth is that you absolutely don’t. You could designate a charging spot in the kitchen and put your phones there just as easily. But there IS something very mindful and sweet about the Bagby sac. If you are your partner are screen addicts, then a deliberate “no phone” ritual could be a helpful way to help uphold your intention. And if you have a screen-hungry partner, it could be a nice little stocking stuffer hint.

Whether or not you get a Bagby sac, these folks definitely have the right idea. Get an old school alarm clock, and leave your phones outside the bedroom. And while you’re at it, ditch the iPads and laptops too. Some rooms benefit from being a bit old-fashioned.

Check them out here at Indiegogo.

App Review: 10% Happier

I pretty much suck at meditation. Honestly, I know I’m not supposed to admit to these things, but getting myself to sit on a cushion is sometimes like dragging a recalcitrant mule up a hill. This app was recommended to me by a yoga teacher friend of mine, and here’s why love it:

You can just do one minute.

That’s right. Just one minute. And anyone can do that, right?

Spearheaded by anchorman Dan Harris, 10% happier is that app that makes meditation accessible. I know there are a ton of apps out there for meditation, but I really love this app’s style. You start with a minute (and that’s really okay) and are given the opportunity to continue for more. When you hit one minute, you can stay for five. When you hit five minutes, you can stay for ten. But one minute is fine.

Featuring meditations by some wonderful teachers like Sharon Salzman and Joseph Goldstein (to name a few), you get a hit of a bunch of different meditation styles. The free version of the site has lots of options, or you can subscribe for $8/month to have access to more meditations and courses. Actual meditator act as “coaches” if you want to ping someone for help. The app can also track your meditation times and remind you meditate.

What are you waiting for? 1 minute only!

I wrote these guys and gushed at them about how much I like their app, and they sent me along a promo to share with YOU. 🙂